KINGZ PALACE: Never Use The Bathroom In Your Dream. Its A Tral

After months of  furtive glances, your crush finally notices you in class and asks you out for lunch. You blush and though you will your lips to decline the offer in a bid not to seem too easy and cheap, the words "For real?!  Oh, I'll love to."  comes tumbling out before you realise. 


He wants to wait till the next day but you insist on going the same day, saying that you won't have the chance when in fact,  you just don't want to give him the chance to change his mind. He'd have preferred you walk but you've always dreamed of sitting in his Rolls Royce and will, under no circumstance, pass on a chance to make that dream a reality. 

He takes you to the posh restaurant that just opened which you have heard a lot about and when its time to order, you order the strangest sounding meal on the menu because it was the most expensive. Only the best for you, right?  When the meal comes, you roll your eyes in disappointment at the insult. A combination of weird colours and smells that barely cover half of the plate. You want to ask the waiter to return it and bring you a plate of jollof rice and dodo, but you cant afford to fall hand. You can hear your alter ego that has zero chill say in utter disgust, 
"What manner of nonsense is this? Instead make you ask for wetin you sabi,  you dey form wetin you no be. Yeye dey smell."
But as the cool chic that you are,  you can't afford to dull; so you force a smile and wait till his meal comes and you begin to eat just after he has taken his first forkful. You dont want to seem too eager, do you?

It is not long before you begin to see the wisdom in her words. The sudden rumble in your tummy tells tales of woe to come. In your heart, you rain ancestral curses on the cook and whoever was sick enough to come up with the recipe. You break into a sweat not even the powerful air conditioners in the room can quel and you know the end is near. 

First come the farts; silent bubbles of air that carry in them, death and destruction. La Crush notices your discomfort and asks if you're okay and a loud fart rings out in response. 'Ground open up and swallow me' becomes your prayer point as you wonder which old woman you have offended in the past decade. You get up in shame, hurry to the waiter you saw not too long ago and ask for the lavatory. He shows you and within seconds that seemed like hours, you are seated on the white enamel bucket, depositing your meal and more; way more. It's like a faucet that opens but refuses to close as volumes of brown mass of varying sizes, strength and densities pour out of your anal orifice; draining you of strength. Even the atmosphere changes as you nearly choke on the stench of your produce. 

You hear a ringing, like the chiming of church bells,  from afar that increases in volume as it comes nearer till it sounds as though its right by your ear. Irritated, you stretch your arm, put off the alarm clock, then open your eyes. 

You realise that you have been asleep for a little more than six hours and it was all a dream. Not exactly all, you realise, as your olfactory nerves get assaulted by a smell that scares the shit out of you, literally. In shock, you look at your sheets and the brown mass on the bed confirms your fear. You remember the words you saw online few hours before you slept. 
"Never use the bathroon in your dream. Its a trap! "


Evil comes in different names, spices,  flavours and dreams.


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