from the hanger and wore it. After he was sure he was dressed well enough, he finally picked the video call. It was a one sided video call though, only God could see him, he couldn't see God.
"Good evening God"
"Good evening to you my so- *sniff-sniff* is that Nivea body spray I smell over there?"
"Yes Lord. How did you know?! "
"Damn! That perfume is whack. And how won't I know? I'm God you dummy... And dude, how can you not be wearing a trouser and yet you are wearing a suit and a tie?"
It was at this point Jonah realized that in his haste, he had forgotten to wear a trouser.... Who needs a trouser for a video call anyway.
"Now listen... ", God continued. "I need you to take a message to the people of Lagos. Tell them my anger in kindled against them, and if they don't repent in 30 days time I'll-"
God was halfway through when Jonah cut in
"Lagos??!!!", Jonah yelled, Fadalurd recognised the horror in his voice.
"Yes Lagos. Why are you doing face like someone who saw a ghost halfway through orgasm?", God asked irritatingly.
"SAH, Lagos can't be saved. Infact I'm not going. Have you been to Lagos? I mean I know you watch them on your big plasma TV but have you one day strolled through the streets of Lagos?", Jonah quizzed frantically.
"Lagos can't be saved!" He continued. "The people In Lagos are worse than Sodom and Gomorah. There is nothing evil that you don't see in Lagos- Agnostics, Atheists, feminists, communists- everything! One time I was attending a wedding there, the traffic was so bad that by the time I got to the church the couple were already doing their child Dedication thanks giving a year later!"
"I know all these my son..." God said quietly. "In fact two nights ago I sent an Angel there and the Angel returned with only one of his wings. Those Lagos people stole the other one. That's why I'm pissed off. I need a prophet of mine to go and tell them to repent and be saved else I destroy them in 30 days time." God to Jonah. However, Jonah refused. The sins in Lagos were too much and Jonah wanted them published.
Jonah ended the call and deleted his IMO just to hide from God. In a further move to avoid God, he left his home and checked in an hotel. After two nights in the hotel he had just used the restaurant, eating lots of expensive things and then when he tried to pay the bill through his credit card, his balance was empty! Trust God na. Jonah was called a fraud and taken to the police. He was detained there for the night. Jonah didn't bulge. For he would rather be in the police station than go to preach to Lagos people. However, while he was in detention, his cellmate winked at him at night and blew him a kiss. A terrified Jonah asked God for forgiveness immediately. God made the police release him that night.
"Go to Lagos and tell them to turn to me", God told Jonah again. But yet again, Jonah was resilient. Instead of going to Lagos he attempted to board a flight to Dubai, but at the airport check, his visa disappeared!
"Well played God, well played :( ", Jonah texted God on whatsapp.
"Duuurh :P do I know you? If you don't go to Lagos don't text me again", God responded. But yet again, Jonah didn't go to Lagos. It was then he decided to board a luxury ship to get to the city of Tarshish. It was on his way to Tarshish the great storm came. When the storm came it didn't affect the Ship much, but it ruined the WiFi installed in the ship and those rich people were pissed off! You know, the Internet generation where a bad network hurts more than an earthquake. According to footages obtained from the security camera installed in the ship, it was observed that the WiFi had stopped working the moment Jonah entered the ship. So they gave him two choices-
"For this you have done, you have two choices:
1. Remain in the ship but you won't join us in eating Jollof or
2. Get thrown out of the ship.
He shook his head sadly and said:
"Mayest it be unto Mr that I be caste into the sea than to suffer the fate of continuing this journey and be denied the bliss of Jollof". So he was caste into the sea.
The big fish, Repentance...you know the rest of the story. We hear he's has been in Lagos but he hasn't gotten to his destination because of traffic. Lagos people haven't changed a bit.
Fadalurd has a message for all of the readers here- "Don't laugh alone. Share or mention your friends". Wanna be like Jonah and disobey the Fadalurd?
*YOUR COMMENTS/OPINIONS ARE WELCOMED*
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