The wedding at Cana
Jesus finally arrived with his entourage 2 hours behind schedule. You wouldn't blame the Lord, Lagos traffic is a bitch. He came out of his shiny black Range Rover 31 AD model, with his well tailored beard radiating in the glory of his holiness, his blonde hair resting loosely on his shoulders. His disciples all came in the same type of car, except
Judas who came later in a Keke Napep. It was a big boy party. Paparazzi everywhere, journalists and fans alike.
Everyone jostled for an autograph from him, or a selfie at least. Hallowed members of the beard gang were all pushing and shoving and clawing just to get noticed by the Lord master, but he simply ignored them. You should have seen the look on their faces! Especially that Hymar. He could only get an autograph from apostle Zebudiah. You know him? Me neither.
Jesus looked over the pressing crowd and saw a meek lonely boy in the corner, looking with awe and affection.
"Come here Victor!", the Lord beckoned pointing towards me.
*Gasps*
"Me???", I asked to be sure.
"Yes son, you", the Lord affirmed. You should have seen the look on everyone's face. I ran to him and he held me close.
"But how did you know my name? Or are we friends on Facebook?", I asked him.
"Shut up boy I'm Jesus, I know everyone's name!", he reminded me.
"Because you have a pure soul, I want you to be my guest for this evening", He continued. I was- (Insert adjective expressing extreme shock and happiness here. Must be a big word).
"But you can't follow me into this party looking like an insect", he said regarding my beardless face. "Let's see what I can do about it", he said as he snapped his fingers. You won't believe it! Cute black moustaches grew out of my jaw! So for all of you hating on my Beards, it's from the Fadalurd himself. That was his first miracle. It wasn't recorded in the bible because I'm black; In a calculated attempt to ostracise blacks from the bible.
I entered the party with Jesus and his entourage. I entered with my shoulders up- You know, as the latest member of the beard gang and the 13th disciple of Christ for that night. Most of my Facebook friends - Chiluba, Omotoyosi & co- were outside the party tweeting and taking selfies because they couldn't afford the ticket to enter the venue with me and my new buddies- Jesus and Co.
By the time we got to the party, Jollof rice had finished. Even Jesus couldn't hide his disappointment.
"Jesus Christ! What's a party without Jollof?
What about drinks? The Yoruba women at the party had 'Kolobi' everything. Only water was available. Jesus was still too pissed with the non-availability of Jollof that he didn't care about the Wine. He was just sipping his water and wondering if these useless humans were even worth dying for. I could tell from his demeanour that he was contemplating packing his things and booking a flight back to heaven. Humans that cannot reserve small Jollof for saviour, are those ones worth dying for? However, his disciples were pissed mehn, especially Judas.
"So you mean to tell me the only drink you have left in this party is coke?", he asked a waitress.
"No Sah, even coke has finished. It's just water we have left", the waitress answered. Judas was gutted. He took his phone and tried to Sub the wedding organisers on Facebook but he was using MTN and network was a bad. Jesus noticed Judas' disappointment from afar.
"why is that one doing face like spoilt Eba?", he asked pointing to Judas. It was then that Mother Mary told him about how everyone was unhappy because Wine had finished.
Jesus turned water to wine finally. Different wines for different folks: Baileys and champagne for his disciples alone, Origin beer for all the Yoruba demons in the house and palm wine for people like Pope Itodo Samuel Anthony. I was just about to sip my champagne when he said I should wait. He snapped his fingers and the champagne turned to Ice cream....Well, because at that time I was just a boy.
I took many selfies with him sha. You can scroll back to 31 AD on my profile to view the pictures.
*YOUR COMMENTS/OPINIONS ARE WELCOMED*
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